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the distance from those brown bankrupt eyes
to the defeated brilliance
                 in the corner
had slammed her off from a beautiful senseless.

she saw her thoughts
reverberating throughout an echo
                  framed
in an illusive bridge.
[she crossed it once when she lost sight of herself]
so deepened into a composition
she wrote
           softly
       to loosen the strings that slit a few smiles
       from a gentle secrecy.
       
she says she's fine
so i ask her what time her nightmare is leaving
on the train headed west
        in a crush of a rain.
an understanding distorted,
her mind plateaus with a sense of surrender

it took her time to alleviate
the savvy trademarks of her soul
                  foolproof yesterdays
found etched in a mirage.
these complex simplicities expose her alluring
as she spirals into a clockword state
    freeforming staircases among the air

i study her cry a
        subtle hurricane
        and find a symphony in those lush, wild eyes.
©2005-2010 ~p0etic-n0nsense
:iconp0etic-n0nsense:

Author's Comments

becoming wise is not so bad after all, you see.

Comments


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:iconendersshadow:
lovely words, but i dont think the format heightens the impact at all. the form doesnt take away from the intensity, but it doesnt add to it... and it makes it a bit harder to read.

fabulous diction though!! :clap:

--
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
:iconcoldcontactkiss:
Aboslutely stunning, as usual. :clap:

--
"I love when you make the dictionary your bitch."
"You seduce the English language and use it for your own sordid ends."

[JDM] [JA]
:icondeathstarr:
i study her cry a
subtle hurricane
and find a symphony in those lush, wild eyes.

This line is priceless. And so beautiful in the least. <3

--
the sun in the trees made the skyline look like crooked teeth.
:iconstarlet00:
wow...gees, i needed that.

i love the eye descriptions

fantastic job

not overwhelming...but i wouldnt call it simple

forgive me if this sounds scattered. im exhausted

~starlet

--
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
--Emily Dickinson
:icongemgurl:
many props for this one:)

--
"I thought faeries did nice things, like grant wishes."
"Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, sometimes you can't always see the pain someone feels"
:iconerror732:
The last stanza captures me.
:iconbaarish:
agreed. the last stanza is a suberb ending to this.

my god.
:iconrobidoux:
This is captivating. Really.
Sometimes this style get too heavy or confusing for the normal reader.
But your imagery is a beautiful portrait of words.
Well done.

From those brown bankrupt eyes to .... what time her nightmare is leaving -
beautiful.
:iconrider-on-the-storm:
Muy Bueno!

--
"in america as the media hushes
millions of eyes float to the marble
of time where a stroke causes a collapse"
- splinter (wallpaper)

Details

August 26, 2005
1.8 KB

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